do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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