I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
