he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
