I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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