I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
