Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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