Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
