im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
