I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
