I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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