so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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