Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
