; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
