Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
