Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
