in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
