I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize