We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
This is my gift to your gina
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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