I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
