I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I want her autograph on my taint
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
