8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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