she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
