Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
