I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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