update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
