You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
