Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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