ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
