I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
