Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
