Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
