wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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