Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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