i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
