So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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