Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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