Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
