he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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