The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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