So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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