sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
