So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
