We won't sleep together?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
