And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
