ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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