Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
