I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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