I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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