Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
