there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
