did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
please come you make the beer taste better
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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