I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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