Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
