just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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