Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
