I think i peed on brittanys purse
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
