afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
