also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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