The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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