I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Who died my cat blue again?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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