Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
