STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
