How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
a search helicopter?!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
