You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
