I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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